I Want To Believe

This is a poster from The X Files, which is probably the world’s greatest TV series. Probably. Anyway, my husband and I are both pretty nerdy, so we love to get nerdy decor and hang it in our house. I’m pretty sure we got this poster the one time we went to Salt Lake Comic Con dressed as Mulder and Scully.
While I love the show, I have come to love this poster even more as it currently hangs in our bathroom. I find my mind lingering on the words often. Even though, in the show, the words refer to believing in aliens (which by the way, spoiler alert, Mulder’s belief does eventually pay off), they have come to mean more in my mind.
I want to believe. I want to believe there is good in this world. I want to believe that life has a purpose. I want to believe that even when death parts us from loved ones, we can see them again, and our love doesn’t die with them. I want to believe that emotional pain and heartache can be healed. I want to believe I can become a better person, especially on days when I’m fairly certain I’m the worst person I know. I want to believe that things won’t always be hard, and hearts can heal and loneliness can abate.
I want to believe that there’s a God who loves me. I want to believe that He has a plan for us. I want to believe that He has prophets on the Earth today who can lead us and guide us, and be His mouthpieces.
And because I want to believe, I do. And because I have believed, I have had the Spirit whisper the truthfulness of these things to me. But I needed the desire first, and to take a few steps into the unknown. I’ve had to hold on for what seemed like little eternities for answers to prayers and blessings I hoped for. Sometimes, God waits. But He never forgets us, even when we forget Him.
I think of my 4 month old, who sometimes I need to leave in his bed for a moment so he’s safe while I help my 2 year old. Sometimes he starts crying, and to me it seems as if he thinks I’ve forgotten him. I could never forget him. He is always on my mind.
I know it’s the same with God. He could never forget us. But sometimes He needs us to wait.